the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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