my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
