The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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