I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
