My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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