This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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