she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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