i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
