he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
