please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
