i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
