I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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