This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
