ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
