Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
