he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
