Im at strip club and am horny
he thought i was a dude.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
