I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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