Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
