Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize