We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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