my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
