He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
