I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
