i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
