I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
