just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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