I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
