I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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