Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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