the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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