Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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