Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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