Small penises have feelings too.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
last night I used snow as a chaser
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
