he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
