i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
