I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
