I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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