Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
