I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
