the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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