he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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