Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
