I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
