Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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