i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
