Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
