broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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