Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
