We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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