Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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