I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
