I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
