my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
