DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
