I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
