i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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