pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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