yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
