I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Farmville is her only friend.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
