You smell like a Billy Joel song
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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