if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
