you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
