Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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