Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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