How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
