I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
