Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
