cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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