After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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