Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
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