I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
farters have to be the big spoon...
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
