i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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