She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
It was confusing and full of hummus
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
