just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
