Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
